When we think about self care, we often think about a big, long list: a bunch of ideas for things you try when you need support. But when those things aren’t necessarily organized, how do you know what to choose for specific situations? And if you’re dealing with significant depression, anxiety, trauma recovery, or other mental health concerns, that list can become incredibly overwhelming!
Instead, I’d love to introduce you to the idea of the Levels of Self Care. The Levels are a way of sorting self care and coping skills into five groups based on the intensity of the distress you’re experiencing. It’s a way to make coping feel more accessible, more in your control, and less overwhelming.
For everyday ups and downs, many people find it helpful to start with Level 1. Sometimes Level 1 is all you need to find some relief, and if it isn’t, you can try Level 2 or 3, and so on. Thinking of coping this way can help you feel more regulated and more empowered to manage distress when it comes up.
The Levels are optional, and you don’t have to go in order. They’re an educational way to organize coping ideas, not a medical or crisis-triage tool. Keep these in mind:
- You can reach out for professional support at any point. You don’t need to try the other Levels first.
- If you are worried about your safety or someone else’s, skip the Levels and go straight to emergency help (Level 5): call or text 988, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room.
- If you already have a crisis plan or safety plan with your therapist or doctor, follow that plan first.
Level 1: Distraction Skills
Distraction Skills are generally quick and fairly simple. Some can be grounding skills, such as deep breathing exercise, or grounding that involves your 5 senses. Others might be pretty basic distractions: watching a little TV, scrolling your phone, petting your dog or cat, laughing at funny TikToks…. Whatever helps you get out of that headspace for a few minutes!
Sometimes distraction skills are all we need to calm a bit, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate the situation. You may find yourself needing Level 1 several times a day to reset!
Level 2: Solo Coping Skills
Level 2 is all about coping skills that feel more intentional than the distraction skills, and are all things you can do by yourself if needed. Some of these coping skills might look similar to distraction skills, but just with a little more thought put into it. For example: watching a random TV show for 15 minutes might be a distraction skill, but tuning in to your absolute favorite show that always makes you laugh could be a solo coping skill. Petting your dog might be a distraction skill, but taking your dog on a walk could be a solo coping skill.
Solo coping skills could also include things like taking a hot bath, any kind of exercise or mindful movements, using a meditation app, listening to or playing music, reading, writing or journaling, watering plants, picking up your favorite takeout food…. Anything that helps you feel a little better!
If you feel less distressed at that point, that may be all you need for now. If not, another Level may help.
Level 3: Group/Support Coping Skills
These are coping skills that involve other people. This could look like calling a friend or loved one, engaging with supportive communities on social media, asking your partner for a hug or some quality time, going to a group class at the gym, attending a faith service, or anything that involves others.
If it feels hard to find others to engage with, sometimes just being around people can help. Maybe you could work at a coffee shop for the afternoon, or take a walk through a busy park instead of your neighborhood.
And don’t forget- pets can count as supports too! Sometimes our animals understand us better than most people, and that’s okay.
If you are feeling a little better, that may be enough for now. If not, Level 4 may help, and you can reach out to a professional at any point.
Level 4: Professional Coping Skills
Level 4 is when you reach out to professionals who can support you, and you can do this at any time, not only after trying the other Levels. This could look like reaching out to your therapist (or scheduling an appointment for the first time!), attending a support group or recovery meeting, or calling a warm line. If you’ve never heard of a warm line, these are phone numbers you can call when you’re feeling distressed, but it’s not an emergency (the difference between a hotline and a warmline is that hotlines are more for emergencies).
People sometimes ask why reaching out to a therapist is listed as Level 4 rather than Level 1 or 2. It isn’t because you have to wait. It’s partly practical: your therapist may not be available right away, especially in the evening or on weekends, so it helps to also have coping skills you can use on your own. And taking a moment to recall what you’ve been working on in therapy can remind you of tools you already have.
If you are feeling unsafe at any point, go directly to Level 5. You don’t need to try the other Levels first.
Level 5: Emergency Services
Level 5 is for emergencies and mental health crisis situations, and you can go straight to it whenever you need to. If you call your therapist in an emergency and they don’t answer, don’t wait for a call back. If you are feeling unsafe to yourself or to others because of your mental health, contacting emergency services is essential. The easiest option to remember is to call 911. You can also go to the nearest Emergency Room, contact your county’s mobile crisis team, go to a local crisis walk-in center, or call a crisis hotline. The national 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is easy to remember: call or text 988, any time. These services are typically organized by county, so start your search with your location! Try to tell someone you know what’s happening, so they can support you or perhaps take care of things for you (like feeding a pet).
Back to You
What do you think of the Levels of Self Care? Does it help to conceptualize coping skills for you? If you have other ideas, or aren’t sure which Level your go-to coping skills fit into, we’d love to hear from you!
And if you’re looking for a therapist as a professional support, the psychologists at Telegraph Psychology Collective (formerly North Berkeley Counseling Collective) are here to help. Therapists in the collective offer therapy in Berkeley and the San Francisco Bay Area, and online throughout California, New York, Florida, Virginia, and Hawaii.