Conflict doesn't mean you're incompatible. All couples, even securely attached ones, argue. Couples therapy helps you understand your patterns and repair more quickly and kindly.
Rupture and repair
Relationship research suggests that conflict can even deepen a bond when partners are able to repair afterward. In couples therapy we look at what happens in your arguments, the needs underneath them, and how to stay focused on the real problem without attacking or withdrawing.
We draw on attachment theory, the communication research of John and Julie Gottman, mindfulness and emotion regulation skills.
Is couples therapy the right fit?
Couples work is meant for relationships where both partners can disagree without fear. Your clinician will assess whether joint sessions are appropriate, including asking about safety, and may meet with each partner individually. If there are threats, control or violence in the relationship, couples therapy may not be safe, and individual support is usually the better first step. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788).
Free couples communication handout
Download the Couples Communication Handout. Page 1 covers the Gottmans' Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) and the antidote to each; page 2 offers communication strategies to practice together when things are calm. Both pages note that these tools are meant for relationships where both people feel safe.
Couples therapy can help with
- Frequent arguments and communication breakdowns
- Feeling distant or disconnected
- Life transitions, including becoming parents
- Chronic illness or stress affecting the relationship
- Rebuilding trust
Your couples therapists
Dr. Danielle Kassouf works with couples in person at the North Berkeley/Kensington office and online. Dr. Laura Kimbell has over a decade of experience working with individuals, couples and families, and sees clients in person in Berkeley.
Clinicians who offer couples therapy
Where we offer couples therapy
In person
Online
- Online couples therapy in California
- Online couples therapy in Florida
- Online couples therapy in Virginia
- Online couples therapy in Hawaii
San Francisco residents can meet online or in person in the East Bay; in-person sessions in San Francisco are coming soon.
Questions about couples therapy
Do both partners need to attend?
Couples therapy usually includes both partners, after the clinician has assessed whether joint sessions are a good and safe fit. If your partner isn't ready, or joint sessions aren't appropriate, individual therapy focused on the relationship can still help.
Can we do couples therapy online?
Yes, as long as you're located in a state where your clinician is licensed or authorized to practice.
Where is couples therapy offered in person?
In Berkeley and at the Kensington office in the East Bay.
Schedule your free consultation
Book in real time with any available clinician in the collective.